Shopping with Kids

It is summer, and that means I get to spend lots of fun quality time with my beautiful, wonderful kids.  This week alone, we went to a rodeo, on a long hike, swimming, and made the ever-popular annual Lagoon trip (to be blogged later, hopefully). Unfortunately, these same fun, amazing children that I love require a whole lot of stuff to function each and every day.  They use up unbelievable amounts of food (I am looking at you, Dax), beverages, toilet paper, laundry detergent, etc. etc. times infinity.

I am very blessed to live near a place that I can waltz into and pick up everything I need.  I speak of my beloved Target, where I can get milk and corn dogs, nail polish and shoes all at the same place.  Target, how do I love thee?  Let me count the ways....

But guys, lately, I actually DREAD going to Target.  I dread it on the same level as getting a tooth filled or paying property taxes.  Why?  Because I have drag all three kids along with me.  I don't mind bringing one kid along, and even two kids is doable.  But for some reason, when all three kids are on a Target run with me, it turns into the chore of chores.  Are you with me?  I know there are moms out there who can do it with four or five kids and not break a sweat, and they are my heroes because I seriously struggle sometimes.  Here are some of the thoughts that have crossed my mind or lips at Target over the last few weeks:

Why is it that when I stop the car and announce, "We're here!  Let's go!" at least one kid just sits in the car, seat belt still buckled, staring into space like they have no idea what they are supposed to do next.  

"Staybymeintheparkinglot, staybymeintheparkinglot, STAYBYMEINTHEPARKINGLOT!!"

How many times are Cora and Daxton going to nearly tip over the cart before they remember that they can't stand on the same side??  So far we are at a 117 and counting....

"Sure Arden, you can push the cart.  Watch out for that rack!  Watch out for that wall!  Look out for that kid!  Okay, can I please push for a while?"

"No, we aren't done yet.  No, we aren't done yet.  No, we aren't done yet."

"Arden, please don't walk right in front of the cart, I am going to run over you."

"No, you can't have that today.  No, you can't have that today.  No, you can't have that today."

"Staybymeinthestore, staybymeinthestore, staybymeinthestore!  Come back here!  No, you can't have that."

"Because it isn't your birthday.  Because it isn't good for you.  Because it costs too much. Because I said no!"

"Arden, my love, please don't walk right in front of the cart."

"No, we aren't done yet.  No, we aren't done yet.  No, we aren't done yet."

118, 119, 120..."Dax, please move to the other side of the cart!"

Why is it that the kids only have to go to the bathroom when we are at the part of the store that is the farthest possible point from the bathroom?

"Sorry, we aren't getting those.  Sorry, we aren't getting those.  Sorry, we aren't getting those."

Hey, they are actually being pretty quiet right now....wait....where the heck is Dax?

"I KNOW there was a free sample, but that doesn't mean you can run halfway across the store without telling me!"

"Oh, I am so sorry I ran over your foot Arden!  Are you okay?  Please don't walk right in front of the cart!"

"No, we AREN'T done yet!" (Ohhhh I wiiiish we were!)

"Dax, get BACK here and put your hand on the cart.  Don't let go of the cart for the rest of the time."

121...122...123..."Cora, move to the other side of the cart, please?!?"

"NO, we aren't getting that, sorry.  No, we aren't getting that.  Nonononononooo."

Do I really need the rest of this stuff on my list???  Naaaaah. 

"Okay, okay!  Let's check out, yay!  Sorry, Dax, we can't go to #7 checkout.  Because it is closed.  See, that number isn't lit up.  I know 7 is your favorite number.  No, I can't ask them to open it up, sorry."

"No, we aren't getting any candy bars.  No, no ring pops either.  No, Cor, you can't have that little Cinderella toy (that some cruel genius put right next to the check out stand when they knew my exhaustion would be close to overriding my resolve to not add to the junk in the playroom.)  Because it isn't your birthday and it costs too much and I SAID SO.  If one more person asks me for one more thing they are going to time-out."

Okay, am I sounding like the meanest mom ever or what?  Is everyone looking at me and thinking how mean I am?  Prolly.

Oh no, I am right in the middle of checking out, and I didn't get [XXXinsert main reason for going to store hereXXX]!  Arrrggghhh!

Holy cow, did I really spend that much!?!  But according to the kids, I didn't buy anything good!

"Staybymeintheparkinglot.  Staybymeintheparkinglot!  STAYBYMEINTHEPARKINGLOT!!"

Whew!  I hope this is enough food to last for the rest of the summer because I am NOT doing that again EVER.

I get to do it again tomorrow.   I am sure it will be fine, right?  Wish me luck! :)