Happy Mothers Day

I know a lot of people out there have a hard time with Mothers Day.  I know that it can make some incredible mothers feel like they are not living up to the ideal "Angel Mother" that gets talked about so much on Mothers Day.  I know a lot of people who are far away from their mothers or who have lost their mothers miss them terribly on Mothers Day.  And then there was me a few years ago...during the Mothers Days when we were still struggling with infertility...

Mothers Day used to be one of my least favorite days.  Well, at least part of it.  I still loved the part where I got to visit my own wonderful mom and my sweet grandmothers and give them cards and presents and tell them how much I loved them.  That part was good. 

The part that was hardest for me was where I went to church and looked around at all the moms proudly wearing macaroni necklaces that their darling kids had made for them.  Then I got to listen to talks from youth speakers about how much their moms meant to them and how much they loved them.  And then I got to watch dozens of precious little children walk up to the stand where they would wiggle around and wave to their moms.  Then with huge smiles on their faces they sang those familiar songs to their moms.  You know them..."I Often Go Walking," "I Know A Name"...then came "Mother I love you, Mother I do, Father in Heaven has sent me to you...." 

I struggled with that song the most. 

Through my sadness, I would get a little angry.  I wanted to know WHY.  WHY did Father in Heaven send all of those beautiful children to the women sitting around me, but I sat with my arms empty, year after year?  WHY wouldn't Father in Heaven send a child to me?  Had I not prayed hard enough?  Was I somehow unworthy, not good enough?  WHY?

After that song, I would pretty much just struggle to survive the rest of the meeting.  Then came the dreaded announcement "Can we have every woman over 18 please stand so that you can receive your Mothers' Day gift?"  I know the gifts are small, but I felt so awful, so exposed, standing there waiting to be handed a gift I didn't feel like I deserved.  One year I couldn't even bear the idea of it, and I bolted out the door before the "amen" from the closing prayer had finished echoing.  I practically ran all the way home in my high heels and didn't stop until I was safe inside my house. 

Today is one of those days that makes days like those all worth it.  Today was bliss. 

This morning my three beautiful children crawled into bed with me, bearing beautiful, priceless gifts.  Dax made me a card with his sweet little hand print on it.  Arden made me a necklace in kindergarten with her thumbprint in clay on one side, and her adorable kindergarten signature on the other side.  I proudly wore it all day.  Cora gave me a card with a button on it that said 'Me!  ME!  MEEE!  It's All About Me!!!"  On the inside of the card it said something like, "You can borrow this button for today, mom, but tomorrow I want it back.  Happy Mothers Day."  It was funny because it is so true, but precious because she wrote a wobbly "Mom" with her own little hand, just for me, inside the card.  Arden also filled out a little survey and put it in a card for me.  Here is how it goes:

"My Mom is the most wonderful Mom in the whole world! 
She weighs __8__ pounds and
She is _____83____ feet tall.
Her favorite food is ___fish____.
In the good old days when Mom was little she ___played with her sisters___.
I wish Mom would ___help me clean up my bedroom____.
I wouldn't trade my Mom for ____A Hundred Million Dollars___.

Then Preston made me delicious homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast. 

Is anyone as blessed as me?

I understand now that I had to go through those dark, gut-wrenching Mothers Days so that I could get to these sunny, joyful Mothers Days.  For whatever reason, being a mother came to me the hard way.  Maybe it was so I could appreciate days like this all the more.  Getting here was NOT easy.  But it was so worth it. 

It was a little slice of heaven for me today, watching Arden and Dax up on the stand at church, singing songs to me.  (Arden even stood where I could see her this year!!).  I thought my heart might burst with happiness.  I love those little stinkers so much!  In years past, I dreamed of days like this.  I am so thankful. 

So Happy Mothers Day, to my own amazing Mom and to my sweet Grandmas!
Happy Mothers Day, to the incredible mothers who gave birth to my children and gave me my family.  Thank you.

Happy Mothers Day, for anyone out there still dreaming of days like this.  Hang in there.